Sunday, June 05, 2005

A Mental Health Weekend

Lately, I have had alot on my plate. I have been actively fundraising for a not for profit organization that I volunteer for, I have been busy trying to keep my head above water at work, I've been writing scholarship applications (I will get through school stress free with the money I need - this is going to work out) I've been trying to stay physically active three times per week, and I'm also trying to be a devoted wife, and a good friend. As you might imagine, I get tired, and stressed out.

So I took advice from Bren, and decided to take a mental health day (much needed.) I took Friday off, and got some things done that I needed to take care of: yard work, housecleaning etc. I also took some time for myself, made sure I got enough sleep and tried to relax. My mental health day carried over to the rest of the weekend. I've tried to take it easy, and go where my heart takes me - not put too much pressure on myself. I tried to think of things I could do to recharge (see last post) and whenever possible, I did them.

Now I have but one small problem. It's almost Monday, I still have alot on my plate, and though I am more relaxed than I was on Thursday, I can feel the stress creeping back the closer I get to Monday morning. This tells me two things: 1) It is likely that I have taken on too many important commitments, and 2) I am in the wrong job for me. Now number 2 I knew before this weekend, and that is precisely why I decided to go back to school in the first place. Number 1 is a little more difficult for me because I don't feel any of my commitments are really negotiable. The volunteer work is important to my community, and essential for me to be involved in if I have any chance of getting the scholarships I'm going for. I'm going back to school in two months, and as this effects my future, have to do what it takes to prepare for it. Work is allowing me to pay down debt, so that I will feel less stressed out about money later, and so around and around I go. Is it better to leave work earlier, take the extra time to prepare for school, but not know where the money for school is coming from? Is it better to take a break from volunteering just when I feel I am making a real difference? Can I get a temporary job that is fewer hours per week to try to achieve balance? Is it even worth it with only two months to go? Do I just tough it out then? If I tough it out, am I really doing myself or my employer a favour, or should I politely step aside?

These are the questions that go around and around in my head. Only two months to go until a new chapter begins, but why does wrapping up the previous chapter feel so difficult?


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