Monday, February 14, 2005

Holy Hell, I want to be a #3!

I was feeling a little uninspired, yet again, this morning but after reading Jay's latest posts I felt the flame relit. Someone from work just walked in as I was writing the title to this entry and I feel I am close to getting I purposefully sabotage myself here because I know I want something else? But that is dumb...leaving with a good recommendation is worth the effort's weight in gold. So, sadly, I admit I may be a "#2." Sigh...

Last Thursday I was also inspired by an amazing Spoken Word poet, lisa b....she reminded me (as so often Jay does) that life is about DOING and striving, maybe falling on your face but getting up and doing it all over again. So on Friday I went to my second restorative Hatha yoga class, taught by the wonderful Michelle at Moksana, gathered myself, and pushed on...

I am still untangling myself from my last incarnation as a sub-contractor of sorts which I realise more and more is a lot like my thesis was...a reason to not move on. I always have something to do to "tie up loose ends" and this takes up any energy I have left over after work, exercise and French class. I let it take the energy I know I want to channel into THE PLAN. I hesitate to say, "more creative endeavors" because my job etc. can be creative, when I am not sleep-walking through the day. So I will just say, THE PLAN, and hope to be understood as talking to those larger issues of: 'who am I' and 'what do I want to do'. I feel old this morning and very impatient. I'm hoping it will pass and can be attributed mostly to the fact that I am not very perky in the morning.

So this morning finds me pondering the idea of "connections" (thank you Jay) and working to my potential...scratch to my potential.

I am also thinking about why the movie "Amelie" always strikes a chord.


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