Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Grrr!

I'm Dissatisfied today.

-Why? You ask.

I'm not sure.

-Then let it go.

I tried that already, it hasn't worked yet.

-Well, what's really bothering you?

I don't know, I'm dissatisfied, and grouchy. Everything I experience today is clouded by a field of negativity. Even listening to the things my friends say, I automatically start to judge and criticize internally.

-That's a dangerous place to be.

I know. When I feel this start to happen I pull back, readjust my thinking and move on. The difference about today is that I've had to do this continually.

-And is it working?

Well, I'm trying to be open-minded, but I still feel dissatisfied. Like something isn't quite right.

-Change something then.

But what? It's just a general dissatisfaction, a sort of bleah feeling.

- Well, change what you can. Sit differently. Mix things up a bit.

Maybe.

-Write about it - purge it from your system. Vent and then move on.

Ok.

********************

I understand what Nigel was getting at in earlier posts: How in the Western world when you are feeling unsatisfied you almost feel guilty. We have so much here, we should appreciate what we have and not let the ugly feeling of dissatisfaction creep in. There are millions of people in the world who would trade places with me in an instant. I know that. I also think about one of Chris Bailey's recent posts: You Can't Always Get what you want:

"However, what happens when we don't get what we want? How do we respond? Sadly, I've been known to shake my fist at the heavens and complain about the unfairness of it all. I've also been told that I can be a bit melodramatic at times, as well.
Just maybe there's greater learning in not having our desires completely met. Okay, obviously. But, often getting to the core of that learning takes patience and an openness to considering other possibilities. Take time to slow down, get curious, and reflect on what's there. Because you may not get what you want, but you do get what you need."


I think it is ok to be Dissatisfied. I also think that there is additional learning to be had in riding out our dissatisfaction- looking deeper into what we really do need (as Chris says) and honoring the little voice inside ourself which is trying to tell us that maybe something isn't right (even if it's not the something we think it is.

Cuz I try, and I try, and I try and I try... but I can't get no satisfaction.... today.
But I can try to listen to myself to feel better tomorrow

1 Comments:

Blogger Target Market said...

I think you know from my last coupla blog entries that I certainly believe people in our society have very real reasons to be dissatisfied. We may have lots of stuff, but as far as meaning, spirituality, acceptance of life, I think a lot of so-called "primitive" cultures have got us beat.

The Buddha said that "life is suffering", which I think is an important thing to remember. We are fragile creatures, subject to physical and emotional pain, longing, loneliness, illness and death. All of us deal with these same things. The myth that our society has sold us is that emotional pain is something to be ashamed of; something for the weak/whiny; something to be "fixed" rather than listened to.

Pain is a necessary and inevitable part of life. It warns us of danger and is a powerful tool for positive transformation.

That's part of the reason I decided to stop taking my drugs; I want to see what my pain has to teach me. I find that the sooner I listen to it, the sooner I learn the lesson I need to learn and am able to move on.

I didn't mean for this to become a lecture; I just wanted you to know that I think your pain is valid. Try not to feel bad about it. We both know all about the downward spiral that piling guilt on top of suffering can lead to.

Anyways, sounds like you could use a hug.

*BIG HUG*

10:12 PM  

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