Without Google, I May Cease to Exist...

Google runs my life now... If I think about it, there are several very good reasons why without Google I would cease to exist. I will explain them here:

1) I Blog, therefore I am. Google owns Blogger. And since I write my thoughts here in order to achieve personal verification, and self actualization, without Blogger I may be swallowed by the whole of my own significance. I would certainly disappear from Netspace.

2)My Calendar is completely managed by Google Calendar. Again, without the reassurance of daily life events (work, leisure, personal development, etc) I cannot be sure that I would be doing anything at all. Google Calendar validates my existence by providing me with places I need to be, and in so doing reinforces the fact that I do, actually exist.

3)Google Desktop provides me with a link to the outside world. This proves to me that the world exists, and I by proxy, exist in it. With the drag of my mouse I find out what the weather is doing, what the headlines are, and whether my favorite blog has been updated. Since these feeds are always changing, I am fairly confident that the world and I still exist.

4)I am searchable. It's not easy, my blog is nowhere near the top of the ranks or anything, but technically, I am searchable. This beyond everything else proves I must exist, though without it I cannot be so sure of my own existence.

Think about it...Would you exist without Google? Myspace? Facebook? Without them, how do you know you're not just a figment of your own (or someone else's) imagination?

The Relationship End User Agreement

I think relationships should have end user agreements. What would yours look like if you valued yourself enough to have one? What would your potential mate have to do, or accept before he or she would be allowed to download your application? How would your dating life change if, even secretly and in principle only, you had a list of conditions that had to be met before you would let a person move past the thirty day trial period?

I think mine would go something like this:

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NOTICE TO BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND: PLEASE READ THIS CONTRACT CAREFULLY, BY DATING, COMMITTING TO, AND HAVING SEX WITH ALL OR ANY PORTION OF THIS WOMAN, YOU ACCEPT ALL TERMS OF THIS AGREEMENT, INCLUDING, IN PARTICULAR THE LIMITATIONS ON DATING AND HAVING SEX WITH OTHER PEOPLE CONTAINED IN SECTION 2. YOU AGREE THAT THIS AGREEMENT IS ENFORCEABLE LIKE ANY WRITTEN NEGOTIATED AGREEMENT SIGNED BY YOU. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE, DO NOT DATE THIS WOMAN.

1.Definitions: "Woman" means the girl whose pants you're looking to get into, silly.

2.Licenses: If you obtained the woman with her explicit consent, and subject to your compliance with the terms of this agreement (this "Agreement"), including the restrictions in Section 2.2, You are granted an exclusive license to Date this woman in the manner described in the documentation as follows.

2.1 General Use: You may take this woman out for dinner, movies, or coffee or be taken out for same by this woman. You may also engage in certain acts of physical intimacy, cuddling, and emotional support.

2.2 Limitations: You may NOT date any other woman concurrently, or otherwise abuse the trust placed upon you while in this relationship. You may NOT physically, psychologically or emotionally harm the woman. You may NOT engage in passive aggressive guilt trips nor side against this woman in an argument with your mother. Failure to comply with these limitations will result in immediate revoking of the dating contract and possible legal action or psychological trauma

If you have any questions regarding this Agreement or if you wish to request any information from the woman please use the address and contact information included with this product or via the web at www.getaclue.com to contact the dating office serving your jurisdiction

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Of course it's a joke, and everything is exaggerated for comedic effect, but it's worth thinking about. What are you not willing to compromise on in your relationships with others. And if you find something that you are currently compromising on when you really shouldn't be, what can you do to change it?