Sunday, June 25, 2006

Keeping the home fires burning

For months now I have been feeling a little guilty about letting this blog die such a sad little death. The response to my last post was so overwhelming I was frankly stunned into silence. However, I cannot let my lack of writing here be so easily, and irresponsibly, excused by friends' and starngers' supportive comments to my struggle to find purpose and THE PATH.

So, let me start by saying thank you...and I'm sorry that I did not take advantage of so many of your offers of help. I did hear what each and every one of you contributed by way of your comments to my last post and I like to think knowing all of you were out there (and so positive in your beliefs that I would find my way) helped me...well, find my way.

Two months ago I relocated to Vancouver, British Columbia for a new job that I will call my "recovery job," to paraphrase a friend. While this is not the career-for-the-rest-of-my-life job I do feel this work holds some promising future opportunities. And it is good to be bringing home the bacon...

A new city gives fresh perspective and while I would like to see myself as a flexible person who embraces change - I'm not. So, while all of this change has been a struggle it has been good to blow out some of the cobwebs I have let stand for far too long. I still feel like a fuck-up every once in awhile but I temper those times by doing "best-of-tours" (paraphrasing that same friend) and go to places in this city that make me smile.

I am meeting new people, attending events (World Urban Forum 3 - before hair pulling became a part of the security process), and generally pushing myself to be awake more often and take advantage of the fact that life really does have so much to offer. Not to freak out those of you who know me best - I still have moments where I wonder if this was the best choice, did I take this job/make this move because I was tired of being 'out there' exploring and just wanted to root myself.

I still think about researching in foreign countries - I feel confident that my skills are transferable to indigenous peoples and advocacy issues globally (that is what I do if this is the first I have mentioned that in this space).

BUT...being rooted doesn't scare me like it once did. Committing myself to somewhere and something sounds interesting and, more importantly, possible.

So, I will attempt to keep this space viable and current and maybe even lure my partner in crime - Jay - back on board.

And, again, thank you thank you thank you for all of your good thoughts and warm wishes - they were felt.