Monday, July 11, 2005

My Saga Continues...

Here we arrive at Monday of my last week full time at my current job. After this Friday I take a month off before returning to school. My emotions currently run the gamut from excited about going back and learning new things to stressed out about how I am going to pay the bills for the next year. I still have not heard back about my scholarship applications except for the one that I didn't get. I'm hoping this is a good sign. If I do not get the scholarships, I will be relying on a combination of my savings and what I can borrow to get me through. I'd rather not borrow, but sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do. I will work part time if I have to, but I've been informed by my school that it is almost impossible to work more than the smallest of part time jobs while in school. I guess that's what I get for trying to do an accelerated program.

Because I am finishing two years of school in one calendar year, I am also having to start thinking about graduate school. Do I want to go? What do I need to do to get my application ready? Who will write reference letters for me? Do I want to work first, or go straight on through? Do I need to go? Do I need to go right now? It's like trying to chart your whole life path. What am I going to want to do with my life? Well if I could answer that the rest would be easy.

Usually it's just a nebulous "I want to do something creative. I want my work to have a positive impact on my community and the world around me. I do not want to limit my upward mobility, and I want to feel like I have control over my own future." So saying "I want to be a _________" has always been difficult for me. I know what I don't want to be though. I don't want to be a corporate stooge. I don't want to see money as the only measure of a companies or a person's success. I don't want to work my life away at 75 hrs/week - I want time for what I feel is important. I don't want a job where creativity is considered a liability. I want to work somewhere where people are encouraged to be free-thinkers. I want to work somewhere that integrity and diversity are more than just lip-service.

Sometimes I think I will have to run my own business to get what I want.

It's a big week for me. It's an exciting/scary time.

Once more into the breach, dear friends...


Blogger Target Market said...

Jay, I am so excited about all the possibilities for your future! You have important standards for the quality of your future life that rise far and above just the question of "what kind of job do I want?". I know that if you pursue your vision with determination, and faith in the universe to provide you with opportunity, you have every chance of succeeding. We all must make compromises but you know you deserve and need more than what you are getting in from your current job.

You are very brave and I commend you for overcoming your fears, taking a leap of faith and going after your dreams.

I like it when you write about matters close to your heart. I (and others I'm sure) feel a certain kinship with you as you face a struggle that all of us have in one way or another experienced.

1:19 PM  
Blogger Jay said...

Thanks T.M. I appreciate your wonderful words. Thank you for going on this journey with me:)

2:28 PM  
Anonymous Auliya said...

Hey there Jay....sometimes you so silly. I love reading your blog and whats on your mind, but being your sister I have NO DOUBT in my mind that whatever you choose to do you will excel at like everything else you do in your life. The one thing i know about you, Jay, is that you dont do anything half assed. If your gonna do it you do it properly, and thats deffinately a good way to be. I can see you helping many people and i know you will never be a corporate stooge, cuz i wont let you! thats what sisters are for!!

Anyways, dear, I love your blog! you guys have some really interesting ideas, but im not surprised. You are smart people, and theres no way you wont go far in life.

11:45 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

Thanks :)

I'm glad you read my blog

1:17 PM  
Blogger David St Lawrence said...


You probably Will have to create and run your own business to get what you want. The things you have listed are not unreasonable, but they tend to fall outside of what a corporation can usually handle.

You may wish to work for a corporation of some sort for a few years, just to get experience, but plan to set off on your own as soon as you possibly can.

There is a lot you can learn even in the worst of companies, and your training is being done on their nickel. Once you have figured out how to do things your way, then you can bid them goodby and launch your own company.

Best of luck!

6:23 PM  
Blogger Rosa Say said...

Jay, you are going to succeed with magnificence! I just know it. I have faith in you, and I am very excited for you. You go girl, knowing we are behind you 2000% and cheering enthusiastically for every step you take. Create your destiny as only you can. Aloha e, malama pono,

12:04 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

Thank you everyone for your supportive comments. It is easier to make this big step knowing I have the srngth of my friends behind me. Your kindness has touched me deeply :)

8:47 AM  

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